


After This

by psiten



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Cameo from Slav, Canon Compliant (as of publishing date), Light Angst, M/M, Missed Chances, POV Keith (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 02, Sheith Bouquet Exchange, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Vaguely Hopeful Ending?, kinda established relationship?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 13:30:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10877775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psiten/pseuds/psiten
Summary: "Keith," Pidge whispered, jabbing him in the gut with her pointy, bony elbow."That hurt, Pidge!""You'll live. Get your shit together before someone else notices you spacing out. Allura's starting the wormhole jump."Gift fic written for the Sheith Bouquet Exchange, inspired by theBearded Crepisflower.





	After This

**Author's Note:**

> for @taybleflip on Twitter, as part of the @sheithbouquet exchange (please let me know if you have an AO3 so I can gift it to you here!)

     The first planet they went to after cleaning up the battlefield was Olkarion. Keith had nodded while Allura and Pidge and Coran talked about how it'd be a good place to do repairs and restock on supplies. He'd even said, "Sounds good to me," when they'd asked for everyone's opinions. Keeping his brain in the game was non-optional, and he wasn't going to let anything distract him again the way the mystery of the Blade of Marmora had.

     Not even the sight of Shiro's bayard sitting next to his console, without its Paladin. Even if he kept looking over at it, freezing with a frown on his face, he had to stay focused. Shiro deserved nothing less than him giving Voltron his best, right?

     "Keith," Pidge whispered, jabbing him in the gut with her pointy, bony elbow.

     "That hurt, Pidge!"

     "You'll live. Get your shit together before someone else notices you spacing out. Allura's starting the wormhole jump."

     As usual, Pidge was right. He _did_ need to get his shit together. First things first, he _zapped_ Shiro's bayard into the thigh holster that wasn't holding his own bayard, so it couldn't distract him. He'd hand it over to Allura soon, since ultimately all the Lions were hers, but until she asked, he planned to keep it close. Next, he sat at his console and stared at the coordinates. No one would be able to tell he wasn't actually reading.

     A big, friendly hand ruffled his hair after what felt like either two seconds or a lifetime. "Yo! Keith! Buddy! We're here, dude," Hunk told him, then shifted to his lion-tamer pose when Keith jumped nearly six inches off his seat. "Whoa, I didn't mean to startle you! Anyway, some fresh air is going to do all of us a lot of good right now. We'll be waiting for you outside."

     Of all the people to stay behind when the others left, Lance was the one left standing in the command room. He waited while everybody walked out the door, then turned to face Keith. The goof didn't even flinch when Keith shot off his best, "What the fuck do you want?" glare.

     "Look, Keith, we're gonna find him, okay?" Lance said. He'd dropped his usual sass for what sounded like genuine concern.

     With a shrug, Keith answered, "Okay." He knew Lance tried, but sometimes he wondered if the Blue Paladin understood what it meant to be alone.

     "I mean, you heard what Allura said about the Black Lion having teleportation powers. Shiro's not _gone_. He's out there, alive. He's gotta be, and we're going to find him if it means scouring every speck of space dust on the map. Team Voltron won't leave a man behind."

     Teleportation? For real? Not terrifying powers Zarkon had to... remove somebody... if he didn't want them around? Keith actually hadn't heard anything Allura had said about that. It must've been one of the parts of the conversation he'd missed because, well...

     Because Shiro was gone. Again.

     He swallowed the emotions sticking in his throat and tried to speak without his voice cracking. "Thanks, Lance. That means a lot."

     "Anytime, man. And don't beat yourself up over being upset, all right? Missing people isn't easy."

     Thankfully, Lance broke off eye-contact and walked away. Keith wasn't sure what he could say besides, "Thanks," and he'd already said that. When it came to missing Shiro, he wasn't sure what words he could say without choking on embarrassment. The only person he could say things like that to in the first place was Shiro, and even then it wasn't exactly a piece of cake. But he couldn't sit here all day. If they did get him back, Keith'd be sure to tear him a new one for talking about leaving so much. It'd probably been a fucking jinx.

     Walking the halls of the castle by instinct, he found the front door, where the fresh air was waiting and the Princess was talking to the new Olkari leader about whether it was safe for their new Galra allies in the Blade to wander around outside.

     "Oh, Keith! There you are. Lance and Coran just went off to trade for food, and Pidge and Hunk are organizing the repair crews."

     "Great. How can I help?"

     "Ah, well, I'm sure there will be some lifting to do later..." Allura's face showed a hint of something that Keith told himself was empathy, not pity. "... but for now, I think everything's covered. Why don't you take a moment to rest? You must be tired."

     And by, "must be tired", he assumed she meant, "are visibly agitated, and you thought we couldn't tell but everyone can". No good way to know without asking, which he wasn't going to do in front of the Olkari.

     "All right, Princess. But call me if there's anything to do. I'm not _that_ tired."

     "Of course. Now, where were we, Ryner...?"

     The most deserted stretch of landscape Keith could see was a ridge -- almost a short cliff -- near where the castle had landed. It was right at the border of where the clearing started to turn into more forest, and was sufficiently far away from where caravans of Olkari passed each other with tech and... plant tech. Over here, he probably wouldn't need to deal with anyone, at least for awhile, and maybe he could get his thoughts in order.

     Right there, by the edge of the ridge, he looked down and saw a yellow flower with petals sticking out like a sunburst. It looked almost exactly like--

~/ _almost three years ago_ /~

     "A daisy lion! Hey, Shiro, check it out! I didn't know these grew here..."

     The newly minted Lieutenant Junior Grade, just named first in line to pilot the Kerberos mission, snorted out a laugh. "Keith, I'm pretty sure the word is _dandylion_ , and English isn't even my first language. What's your excuse?"

     "Sorry, but you're wrong. The flowers may look kind of alike, but a dandylion has completely different leaves. This is some kind of daisy, is what the teachers said in elementary school." Keith picked one out of the cluster on the ground, back here where clearly the Garrison ground crews didn't pay as much attention as they did to the lawn where the promotion ceremony had been held. "I'm sure it has a real name, but when I was a kid, we called them daisy lions."

     "Well, far be it for me to correct your elementary school botany knowledge."

     Even when he was teasing, Shiro's smile made Keith's breath get tight, so the only option was to punch him in the arm. Obviously.

     "Ow!" Shiro gasped, grabbing the tricep Keith had attacked. "What was that for?"

     "You know what. Anyway, what'd you want to talk to me about?" After all, Shiro was one of the people who'd gotten promoted at today's ceremony, so he was kind of the man of the hour at the party they were skipping. "Iverson'll notice if we're missing too long."

     "Maybe I needed a little air," his friend said with a shrug. "Anyway, it feels like it's been forever since we talked. Not about anything. Just talked."

     The prickles on the back of Keith's neck when Shiro's voice got soft like that didn't help Keith breathe any easier. Even with all the time he'd spent trying to get over a crush that wasn't going anywhere, he always came back to this.

     "Shiro, I talk to you every day. Usually multiple times."

     "Yeah, we run into each other in the cafeteria and talk about your classwork, or at the gym and we talk about how you can still kick my ass without breaking a sweat--"

     "Not without breaking a sweat. Also, you're making it sound like we don't hang out, which is just not accurate."

     Shiro pushed his hair off his forehead, although the stubborn cowlick he tried to hide in his poof of long bangs dropped it right into his face again. The bit of flush on his god-like chiseled cheekbones was probably just from walking all the way out here, Keith was sure, but it looked like a blush. That, in turn, made it look like Shiro was as flustered as Keith felt. He turned back, grinning, but more embarrassed than his normal grin.

     "Come on, Keith. Humor me. I'd rather listen to you talk about flowers than hear another flag officer ask me if I'm ready for my first mission past the Asteroid Belt."

     Like he could ever say no to that laugh.

     "Fine," Keith answered. He swirled the stem between his fingers so the blossom danced under Shiro's nose. "But I will warn you, the only other thing I know about this flower is how to play, 'He loves me, he loves me not,' and that's not exactly new and interesting information to anybody."

     With a shrug and a pout that should've been illegal on a fully grown man in a dress uniform, Shiro said, "New to me."

     "Right. I guess they don't have that in Japan. Anyway, there's still not much to say. In elementary school, if you had a crush on somebody it wasn't like you were going to go right up and say so, or even talk to them because back then cooties were still a thing..."

     "Cooties, I comprehend. I think all cultures have cooties."

     " _Anyway..._ " Keith held up the flower to demonstrate. "It's just a stupid counting game kids do when they're playing at having a crush. You pull off the petals and you alternate saying, 'He... or she... loves me, he loves me not'. And the one you say on the last petal is supposed to be the truth. Daisy lions were the best for it, because you can't see when you pick them up if they've got an even or odd number of petals." Keith sighed at Shiro's perplexed expression. "See, it's like this," he said, and pulled off one petal. "He loves me..."

     As it fluttered to the ground, he pulled off the next one around the edge. "He loves me not... He loves me, he loves me not. He..."

     Somewhere in the middle of watching loose, yellow petals swirl, he realized that this was exactly the conversation he'd been trying not to have with Shiro ever since the graduation where the senior cadet he'd spent so much time flirting with as a freshman had first put on his olive drab officer's uniform. Hoping his face hadn't turned too red, Keith choked down the rest of the things he wanted to say and looked as far in the opposite direction from Shiro as he could manage without actually turning his back.

     "So that's kind of a stu--"

     "He loves you," Shiro blurted out, and grabbed Keith's elbow with more clench than squeeze.

     "Excuse me?!" As soon as he saw in Shiro's eyes that this wasn't some kind of joke, he wished he'd yelled that less harshly, but he stood by the sentiment.

     "I mean... I love you. That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Keith. I know we haven't ever discussed... _what happened_ , ah... back then."

     He could feel his eyes widening so far, Keith was afraid they might fall out. "Shiro. When you say, _what happened back then_ , are you talking about how we both got trashed at your pre-graduation party and ended up making out in the flight simulator?"

     With a wince, Shiro nodded slowly. "Yep. That... that sounds like... _what happened_ , yes."

     "Holy shit, Shiro! That was literally two years ago! When you didn't say anything the next day, I figured you didn't remember!"

     "I wasn't _that_ drunk. Look, can I start over with this? It went better in my head."

     Yeah, this was definitely the conversation Keith would've loved to have had back then, and had been trying to avoid ever since. He shook his head, doing his best to be a good soldier, to make the right choices. "I really don't think you should, Shiro." And he couldn't let Shiro's sad, hurt eyes convince him to take that back. "I'm a cadet, you're an officer. You know what'd happen to you if the brass caught us 'fraternizing'. You could get dismissed from the service, or thrown in the brig for at least a _year_ without pay..."

     "Two years max! I checked," the asshole he was gone on said with a wink.

     "Yeah, so did I," Keith murmured. Shiro's crappy sense of humor made his insides flutter again before he remembered he was being pissed off. "Which is why we're not talking about this! No way. I'm not going to let you get yourself drummed out of the service no matter how much I wish I could kiss your stupid, perfect face right this minute. Geez!"

     Well, he'd said it. The words had slipped out. Now Shiro was cupping his hand softly, and Keith let him lace their fingers together. Why, oh why couldn't he have been mean and pretended that he didn't care?

     "But if me being an officer weren't a problem--"

     Keith squeezed the hand he was holding so hard, he was surprised none of their bones broke. "What part of not letting you give up your commission do you not understand? You're first in line to fly the Kerberos mission. All the active duty pilots at that party we're ditching would give their teeth to get that mission. Heck, so would I! And I know you want it, so I won't forgive you if you give all that up for... for what? Romance? That doesn't even make sense, Shiro!"

     When he finally managed to look up, the man he definitely wasn't dating was the furthest thing from concerned. If anything, he looked amused. Sappy as fuck, like a dog bringing you a frisbee to play with, and very amused.

     "Shiro."

     "Yes, Keith?"

     "You weren't talking about quitting the Garrison, were you."

     "No, I am definitely going to Kerberos. There's no question."

     "Great. So stop being a jackass and tell me what you meant instead of watching me be wrong."

     "What I _meant_ was..." Shiro's free hand brushed the year insignia almost hidden by Keith's hair. Which, you know... happened to mean Shiro's hand also brushed his chin, which Keith wasn't going to stop feeling anytime soon. "You're in your junior year. By the time I get back from Kerberos, you'll have graduated. When you're an officer, the fact that I'm _also_ an officer--"

     "-- won't be a problem," Keith finished with a smile. "Yeah. Okay."

     "Not that I'm asking you to wait for me, because I understand it's a long time, you have needs--"

     Keith grabbed the wandering hand that'd snuck down to his back, and he yanked it off before either of them got too comfortable. Shiro was already leaning towards Keith in a way that could easily turn into a kiss if they weren't careful. "You fucking _are_ asking me to wait for you, and I'm going to. Quit while you're ahead, Lt. Shirogane. And no touching until after Kerberos."

     Hanging his head, Shiro sighed. "I guess you're right. If I start now, I'll never be able to keep myself from crossing the line before I leave."

     "That and we've got company." Keith nodded at the blond man (who was still an ensign) walking into view around the side of the maintenance shed.

     "Damn it, Dwight!" Shiro yelled at his old classmate.

     The blond man cupped his hands and yelled back, "Hey, if you want five more minutes, I can go tell Iverson I couldn't find you!"

     "No, it's fine!" Shiro turned another nervous grin on Keith. "Let's _not_ get in trouble."

     "Until after Kerberos," Keith answered in the deadpan that could (and did) always make Shiro crack up.

     "Yes. Exactly. Let's not get in trouble until after Kerberos."

~//~

     Not even sure what he thought it'd accomplish, Keith sat down on the Olkari ridge. He stared at the yellow flower, which wasn't quite a daisy lion but was close enough, and pulled a petal free.

     "We'll find him," he said to nobody as the petal fell down past his dangling legs. Then he pulled another petal. "We won't find him. We'll find him. We--"

~/ _not that long ago, all things considered_ /~

     "--won't find him like this. Zarkon has troops all over a thousand galaxies, and all we're doing is playing catch up!" Pidge was saying, griping to Lance about how she wanted to be able to do something more proactive. Keith wasn't really following along. He had other things on his mind. Now that the food-goo feast to celebrate all the Paladins making it back to the Castle in one piece (even Shiro, out of his healing tube despite his run-in with the lizard monsters) was winding down, maybe it was a good time to bring them up.

     He sat down next to the Black Paladin, who acknowledged him with an easy grin that probably wasn't as easy as it looked. Keith could hardly believe how fast he'd gotten used to his fresh-faced almost-boyfriend coming back paler, soul-worn, and battle-scarred. He was still Shiro, though, and that was what mattered. Because this was Shiro, he could say what he had to say.

     "Shiro, can we talk for a second?"

     Pushing his near-empty plate away, Shiro looked at him like nothing could be more important than what Keith had to say. "What's wrong?" he asked.

     He honestly didn't get it.

     Keith beat down the first words that tried to leap out. He couldn't tell Shiro, " _You're what's wrong_." That'd hurt if he said it, and Shiro wouldn't hear the meaning Keith wanted him to hear. There wasn't anything Shiro had to change about who he'd become. _That_ wasn't wrong. But without a doubt, the reason Keith had spent more hours than usual on the training deck had been because the things Shiro had said made him need to punch something to work off steam.

     "Look, Shiro. I know I said this before, but it's not just joking about one deadly wound. I can't hear you talking about how you might die. I can't do that."

     He frowned, like he wanted to do what Keith was asking, but couldn't see any way to make it work. "Keith. I know it's not easy, but death is a real possibility out here. We--"

     "Yeah, I get that! But when you act like it'd be _fine_ if you died...?!" Keith clenched his hands, his jaw, everything in his body trying to calm down so he could see this through without his voice cracking. He had to say it. "It wouldn't be fine. I wouldn't be fine. It was bad enough losing you the first time, without you joking about it. I still care about you, Shiro."

     Panic and guilt were setting in. Keith could see it. Shiro hid it pretty well, but his breaths were tighter, there was a vein twitching in his neck, and he'd stopped making eye contact. Maybe he shouldn't have brought that up, with all Shiro had been through, but it was too late now.

     Softening his voice, Keith said, "Look. I didn't say that because I think you owe me anything. You don't. I'm not asking you to love me again, and I will always have your back no matter what comes out of your mouth. But losing you isn't a joke to me. That's all I've got to say."

     He stood up to leave, but Shiro pinned his hand to the table.

     "Still..." the other Paladin said, staring into near distance without looking at anything.

     When he didn't go on, Keith asked, "Still what?"

     Shiro breathed in deep, and spoke in a murmur. "Love you _still_. Not 'again'. I may have been messed up pretty bad, but I never forgot you, Keith."

     A lot of things went through Keith's head as he dropped back to his seat, but the only thing that came out of his mouth was, "... Oh."

     "I can't do this now, Keith. I'm not okay."

     "Don't worry about th--"

     "--but if I ever can, someday, I'd like to think I'd be with you. Not that I'm--"

     "Not that you're asking me to wait for you. I get it." He dropped the hand that Shiro _wasn't_ throttling onto Shiro's shoulder. "Because there's just so many _dating options_ in space."

     The smile Shiro cracked in spite of himself brought a little of the sparkle back to his eyes. That was better, anyway. "Well, I'm not saying you _have_ to see other people."

     "I bet you'd hate it if I did."

     "Probably. And if I ever... sort myself out..."

     "We can talk after you do. _As long as you don't fucking die_."

~//~

     "--won't find him. We'll find him. We won't--"

     "Nothing to see here, ladies and gentlemen," Pidge shouted. Keith nearly jumped out of his skin. He hadn't realized she'd been that close. Her, and it turned out, a small crowd of Olkari who went from gawking at Keith's back to staring at Pidge's gesticulations. "There's no problem, he's just, um... performing an ancient Earth divination ritual! Move along!"

     Whispers of, "I didn't realize the Paladins had magic as well, I thought it was only the Princess..." and similar things came out of the Olkari throng while they backed away at Pidge's instruction.

     The littlest Paladin shot him a death glare.

     "Divination ritual?" Keith asked her.

     "What? It worked. And you should be thanking me. You were seriously freaking them out, pulling petals off a flower like that. You do realize these people talk to plants, right?"

     Keith looked at the flower, then back at Pidge. "Was... this one saying something?"

     "No, not that flower. It's just a _thing_ here. But you're fine. You can go back to your therapeutic petal-dropping, and we'll call you when there's something to do."

     "I can do something else," Keith said, frowning. "Besides, you stopped me, and now it's weird. I'll just--"

     Pidge held out her hand, freezing him in place. "Don't. You. Dare. The last petal you pulled off was, 'We won't find him'. You can't stop on, ' _We won't find him_ '! Unacceptable! You will sit, you will finish that flower, and you will not curse this whole goddamn search before it starts! _Capisce_?!"

     Pulling off the next petal, he dropped it while Pidge was watching. "We'll find him?"

     "Atta boy. And don't stop until the last petal hits the ground, or there will be--"

~/ _yesterday_ /~

     "--consequences to this universe will be immeasurable if we don't arrange the tiles in exactly the right pattern!" Slav was telling Coran while everyone made their final preparations for the battle. Keith didn't even know what tiles the octopod was talking about.

     A few yards off, Shiro stared at Slav, but it didn't look like he was going to snap today, or walk out of the room with a panic attack. He had a lot more composure than the alien supergenius usually brought out in him. Must've been the upcoming battle, Keith thought. The chance to focus on a mission helped him calm down. Then, Shiro took off his helmet and asked, "Keith, can I kiss you?"

     Keith blinked. "Now?"

     "Yeah. Now."

     "We're about to go fight Zarkon. I wouldn't really be into it right this second."

     From the other side of the hangar bay, Lance screamed, "What the heck, Keith?! Shiro asked to kiss you! _Shiro!_ If you get that chance, the correct answer is, ' _Pucker up, buttercup_ '! Nobody in their right mind doesn't kiss _Shiro_!"

     "Thanks, Lance," Shiro said. "I've got it from here."

     Which did not stop Lance from mouthing, "Do not be an idiot!" but with Shiro coming over to take him by the shoulders, Keith really didn't give a crap what Lance was saying. He was only looking at Shiro.

     "What's this about, all of a sudden?"

     "I don't know. I was just having a clear moment, and I realized something. I can't say how things turn out in this or any universe, but I don't want the only time I've ever kissed you to be when we were both drunk at the Academy."

     Eyes narrowed, Keith asked, "This isn't one of those, 'In case I don't come back,' things, is it?"

     "Definitely not," laughed Shiro. "I've learned my lesson."

     "Good. Then after we defeat Zarkon, you can do whatever you want." At least with a victory kiss, he'd be able to give it his full attention, and they wouldn't have three other Paladins, a Princess, whatever Coran was, half the Blade of Marmora, and a slithery brainiac with a tentacle beard watching them make out.

     Shiro smiled -- a big, real smile, with his eyes crinkling and his dimple coming out. Yeah, this was definitely one of Shiro's good days. "Okay, deal. But this is our last 'after', Keith. I mean it."

     "You'd better."

~//~

     The last few petals were waiting on the tip of the stem, and Keith could count. He could see what was coming. He pulled them off one at a time anyway, hoping despite logic that four would turn into three or five.

     "We'll find him," he recited. "We won't find him. We'll find him. We won't find him..."

     The last petal dropping left the stem bare, and that just wasn't an answer he could accept. Pinching the strand of green against his finger, Keith thought for a moment, and with his next breath out, pressed his thumbnail against it until it severed the naked calyx from what used to be a flower. He watched it fall over the ridge, landing somewhere far out of sight.

     "We'll find him," Keith said one last time.

     That wasn't a question.


End file.
